Saturday, October 02, 2004

THUS SAITH: THE KETCHUP QUEEN

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Ketchup Queen said we should let the hurricane victims go naked, especially the little ones. (Marie Antoinette never even really said, "Let them eat cake," but she still got her head chopped off)

The Vast Right Wing Cookie Conspiracy?
Ketchup Queen didn't say let them eat cake either, but she did disavow her own pumpkin spice cookies to both New York Times and NPR when Laura Bush's oatmeal-chocolate chunk cookies were beating the dough out of Teresa's pumpkin spice cookies in Family Circle magazine's quadrennial first lady cookie bake-off. Hinting at a vast Servant Conspiracy, she claimed that a member of her staff purposely submitted a nasty recipe in her name.

Didya hear about the queen saying, "Hello Nevada!" to some perplexed Arizonians?

Didya hear about the Washington Post story on June 2, 2002 by Mark Leibovich. According to the story, Teresa -- who still referred to Heinz as "my husband" and still used his last name -- worked up a "full head of rage" and spoke of her loathing for Sen. Rick Santorum, who'd had the audacity to run for and win John Heinz's old seat.

In another interview, with Elle magazine's Lisa de Paulo, TeRAYsuh discussed prenup agreements (yes, they have one), her Botox treatments, and how she would "maim" a man who cheated on her. She also spoke of her recent decision to add Kerry to her name. "Now...it's going to be Teresa Heinz Kerry, but I don't give a s***? you know?"

Ketchup Queen has conveniently claimed to have switched parties because Republicans used what she regarded as harsh tactics to defeat triple amputee (and future Kerry envoy to Crawford) Max Cleland in 2002. "You know, that he was unpatriotic," she told a reporter. Somebody obviously got her to shorten her previous reply, which included the rhetorical question, "Does he have to lose a fourth limb to be patriotic?"

When she told a reporter to "shove it," the remark had every appearance of being from the heart, the heart of a very rich lady who's not used to being challenged. The rudeness immediately struck a chord with other rude-rich ladies on New York's Upper East, who began sporting "Shove It" buttons.

When a Bush supporter with a bullhorn in Milwaukee shouted "four more years," the queen lost it, and yelled back, "They want four more years of hell....Three months!"

It puts one in mind of an old Irish proverb: "No one works harder for his money than the man who marries it."

(You did know that Kerry was once Irish, before he wasn't, but that was before he was in Vietnam, unless it was after)

You have a right to your own opinions - You do not have a right to your own facts!